Why I Chose To Be Single For A Year (And What I’ve Learned So Far)

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Eight months ago, I decided that I was going to dedicate the next year to myself- to learning about myself, to teaching myself, and most importantly to loving myself. I ended my relationship and became single, quit my job and moved out West to the mountains. I was terrified. I had put so much of myself and my effort into making the relationship work that when it ended, I couldn’t bare the thought of being alone.

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Over half a year later, I’m sitting across the computer screen in a warm cabin across the beach with my best friend in Hawaii. Things have changed more than I could have ever imagined. Being on my own has taught me more than I could have imagined. Here are a few things I’ve learned from being single

It’s Okay To Be Selfish Sometimes

At first, I felt paralyzed by guilt for ending a relationship because I wanted to find myself, travel, and explore on my own. Now, I wouldn’t change my decision for the world. It’s okay to make decisions for yourself at times, even if it feels as though you’re being selfish. Putting yourself first in order to find peace in your life is not being selfish. You cannot pour from an empty cup- the only way to help others is to help yourself first.

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It Doesn’t All Fall Right Into Place

When deciding to do this, I imagined it was going to be a heart-felt, transforming experience filled with epiphanies, laughter-filled journeys, and maybe even a romance at the end to tie everything into place. Don’t get me wrong, it definitely was many of those things, but I didn’t factor in the tears, the heartbreak, the self-doubt, and the confusion that comes with the challenges of getting to know yourself. I’ve lost myself many times through the process only to have to find myself all over again. There will be tough times, but they are worth every moment (I promise).

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You’ll Live Outside Of Your Comfort Zone

I’ve done so many things that I wouldn’t have done if I continued living in my comfortable little bubble back home which I am so grateful for. Travelling, exploring, and meeting new people are all things you will do by living outside of your comfort zone. Doing something as scary as leaving a relationship forces you to leave your comfort zone and discover things about yourself you may have otherwise never found out!

It Will Be Lonely At Times

There have definitely been moments where I found myself rethinking my decision only because I felt lonely and missed the comforts of being with someone. If all you miss is being with someone and having someone there for you, know that this is normal and part of the process. It does get better! Learning how to be on your own teaches you the importance of self love and caring about yourself in times of need.

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You’ll Be Just Fine 

In the end, you will be okay! Being single is not the end of the world and not something to be embarrassed, worried or ashamed of. It’s an amazing opportunity to live your life to its fullest potential, and to find out who you are before deciding to join your life with someone else’s. Being with someone else is a beautiful thing, but it’s completely fine to take time to yourself and explore those parts of yourself until you feel ready.

Have you ever worried about what it might be like to be single? I’d love to hear your stories and experiences!

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  • I totally agree with all of these! You can learn so much about yourself
    xo
    http://www.laurajaneatelier.com

    • Diana Maria

      Thank you Laura, I’m glad you enjoyed the post! Sending love and light your way 🙂

  • Stephanie Hartley

    This was so lovely to read. I recently read a book all about bossing your life as a single lady, and it never once mentioned that sometimes it will actually be really really hard. It was refreshing to read something this utterly honest, and it sounds like you’ve had a wonderful year!

    Steph – http://www.nourishmeblog.co.uk

    • Diana Maria

      Thank you Steph! That book sounds wonderful, honesty about these kinds of things is great even if it’s hard to accept at times. Sending love and light your way!

  • I’ve been single forever, but I still found this post quite inspiring to read, and really helpful. I think I’ve always put relationships on the backburner, ie I’ve always concentrated more on my work and education and never really comprehended or found time for a relationship. But I still don’t think I’ve really found myself and even though now I’m starting to feel ashamed and embarrassed that I’ve still never had a relationship, but deep down I feel like I need to get out and explore to 1. find myself and realise what I want and 2. be myself more, cause I’ll never be in a good relationship if I’m not myself.

    Thanks for sharing your experience,

    Josie // JosieVictoriaa // Travel, Fashion & Lifestyle

    • Diana Maria

      Thanks for reading Josie! You definitely shouldn’t feel ashamed or embarrassed, I remember feeling the same way, but it’s such a great opportunity to work on yourself. There’s plenty of time to get into a relationship, it comes when you least expect it! 🙂

  • Rosy Flynn

    This was such an interesting post to read, I’ve not been single in quite some time but I can definitely relate to this from when I was.

    Rosy | Sparkles of Light Blog

    • Diana Maria

      Thank you Rosy, I’m glad you were able to relate 🙂

  • Stephanie Williams

    This post was SO beautiful and personal, I think every woman needs to read it. These days many people seem obsessed with being in love and finding their person and having being in a relationship and making babies pushed down their throats. I’ve known so many woman who have a hard time loving their self and don’t even know who they are because they are constantly in relationships and think they can’t live without a man. One really needs time to be on their own, it’s not selfish, it’s about growth and self love, and after that happens the right time and right person makes their way in. x
    http://www.sunmilouise.com/blog/

    • Diana Maria

      Thank you so much Stephanie! I couldn’t agree more with you, especially about the right person making their way at the right time! xo

  • Emily

    This was so beautifully written and so many valid points. While I am in a relationship, I could not have entered that relationship was I not 100% happy with how I was as my own person. You’re on such an incredible journey, good on you!

    Musings & More

  • So amazing to read the leap of faith you took on yourself and having the balls to do it when others may not have! As someone who’s always been in a relationship and now taking time off to travel and do my own thing, I can 100% agree with you that I’ve had such a transformational year because I could be “selfish” on developing myself and my interests and following my intuition without anything holding me back. Great read for many ladies Xx

    http://www.therichnorm.com