Eight months ago, I decided that I was going to dedicate the next year to myself- to learning about myself, to teaching myself, and most importantly to loving myself. I ended my relationship and became single, quit my job and moved out West to the mountains. I was terrified. I had put so much of myself and my effort into making the relationship work that when it ended, I couldn’t bare the thought of being alone.
Over half a year later, I’m sitting across the computer screen in a warm cabin across the beach with my best friend in Hawaii. Things have changed more than I could have ever imagined. Being on my own has taught me more than I could have imagined. Here are a few things I’ve learned from being single
It’s Okay To Be Selfish Sometimes
At first, I felt paralyzed by guilt for ending a relationship because I wanted to find myself, travel, and explore on my own. Now, I wouldn’t change my decision for the world. It’s okay to make decisions for yourself at times, even if it feels as though you’re being selfish. Putting yourself first in order to find peace in your life is not being selfish. You cannot pour from an empty cup- the only way to help others is to help yourself first.
It Doesn’t All Fall Right Into Place
When deciding to do this, I imagined it was going to be a heart-felt, transforming experience filled with epiphanies, laughter-filled journeys, and maybe even a romance at the end to tie everything into place. Don’t get me wrong, it definitely was many of those things, but I didn’t factor in the tears, the heartbreak, the self-doubt, and the confusion that comes with the challenges of getting to know yourself. I’ve lost myself many times through the process only to have to find myself all over again. There will be tough times, but they are worth every moment (I promise).
You’ll Live Outside Of Your Comfort Zone
I’ve done so many things that I wouldn’t have done if I continued living in my comfortable little bubble back home which I am so grateful for. Travelling, exploring, and meeting new people are all things you will do by living outside of your comfort zone. Doing something as scary as leaving a relationship forces you to leave your comfort zone and discover things about yourself you may have otherwise never found out!
It Will Be Lonely At Times
There have definitely been moments where I found myself rethinking my decision only because I felt lonely and missed the comforts of being with someone. If all you miss is being with someone and having someone there for you, know that this is normal and part of the process. It does get better! Learning how to be on your own teaches you the importance of self love and caring about yourself in times of need.
You’ll Be Just Fine
In the end, you will be okay! Being single is not the end of the world and not something to be embarrassed, worried or ashamed of. It’s an amazing opportunity to live your life to its fullest potential, and to find out who you are before deciding to join your life with someone else’s. Being with someone else is a beautiful thing, but it’s completely fine to take time to yourself and explore those parts of yourself until you feel ready.
Have you ever worried about what it might be like to be single? I’d love to hear your stories and experiences!