With 2017 just around the corner, it feels like the perfect time for me to write this post. I’ve wanted to write about this for months, and finally feel confident enough to write it.
As some of you may have noticed, the majority of my photos hardly ever contain my face. In most, my back is faced toward the camera, with me in action or simply looking out ahead of me. It’s become a sort of trend to take photos where you’re faced away from the camera, in the midst of the perfect candid shot.
For me, I started taking photos like this while I was still in high school over six years ago. I wasn’t taking them to create the perfect composition, or to capture the best shot. My best friend and I took photos of each other walking along with our backs towards the camera and faces nowhere to be seen wherever we went. It was a time where insecurities were at an all time high, and we were growing up trying to make sense of ourselves and where we fit. I never felt completely comfortable in my own skin, and still struggle to do so to this day.
Struggling To Accept Insecurities
This is one of the main reasons why I’ve found refuge in hiding my face in photos. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been insecure about exposing myself to the online world. If I look at the photo long enough, I soon start to pick out every little feature I’d rather change. Every little detail would add up to a list of imperfections I wanted to wash away and rid myself of. Even to this day, I still find myself deleting photos of myself because I’ve looked at them for too long and deemed them unworthy.
There have been many times where I’ve taken photos and compared them to those of others side by side. I’d criticize myself in all the ways I looked worse and needed to change. I’d look at photos of flawless looking celebrities and cringe at my less than glamorous shots, which isn’t healthy at all! Rather than accepting myself for the way I am, I would constantly find myself looking at ways I could change to be better. Growing up, I went through periods of times where I hated the way I looked. My body, my hair, my face- everything! I even went through a few months of wondering whether plastic surgery could ever make me feel beautiful and whole. I’ve grown a lot since those times and am so thankful that I learned to find acceptance within myself, rather than looking on the outside.
What I’ve Learned
So, after all of the comparing, struggling with insecurities, and hiding from myself- I finally grew tired of not feeling good enough. I became tired of hiding my face, and myself. Rather than trying to change myself, I’ve started working on accepting myself- flaws and all. It’ not easy for me to put myself out there, but I’ve found that it’s been one of the most freeing experiences to do what makes you uncomfortable.
With all of the unrealistic expectations that are out there for women’s beauty standards, I want to show a different side to things. The flawed, imperfect but real side. It’s so important to know yourself as a whole and to truly feel comfortable in your own skin. That’s why I created this blog, and that’s what I’d like to focus on here at My Lovelier Days. I still have many days where it takes a lot of effort for me to feel good about accepting myself, but it’s a work in progress that I continue to learn from every day.
Have you ever struggled with your self esteem and confidence? I’d love to hear about your experiences!