Falling In Love With The Idea Of Love

IMG_4863Sitting on the hood of my car, I looked across the sky as the sun cast a golden shadow on the empty fields lining the horizon. I wondered why I was sitting here feeling sorry for myself. What was it that I was  actually missing? Did I miss him, or did I miss the idea of him? When I couldn’t answer my own question, it occurred to me that I was reminiscing not about the actual person I was with, but of who I wanted him to become. I had so badly wanted to fall in love, that I tried to live out a fantasy that was bound to one day fall apart.

When a relationship ends, it’s hard to say goodbye to all of the hopes, dreams, and plans you had for the future with someone you thought could be your other half. But what if you’re stuck missing the potential of what could of been, rather than what actually was? Being in love with the idea of love isn’t always something we ourselves can easily see.

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Someone who is in love with the idea of love tries to fit the other person into their lives. If you’re in love with the idea of a person and being in love, you hope you can one day change certain aspects about your partner or their lives so that they can fit better into your own life. You want to tweak certain parts of them because maybe if they were a bit different, things could finally fall into place.

You hold onto the hope of what could be. You dream about what your future will be like, and how your lives will come together but don’t give as much attention to the present moment. When you do think of how things are at the moment, you realize they aren’t at all like what you imagined or what you expected them to be, and so you hold onto your dreams of a better future.

rightonI have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching his highest potential. I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself” -Eat, Pray, Love. imageYou wonder if this really is it. For whatever reason, the relationship isn’t matching your expectations on how you think you should feel about the other person. Maybe you put too much pressure on the relationship working, or you just have a feeling deep down that it isn’t right. Of course relationships are hard work, but you can’t force one to work simply out of a desire for finding that one true love.

You don’t miss the person you were with, but rather the memories you shared and the memories you were hoping to make one day. Most of what you miss about your relationship has to do with the way you felt during happier times, and moments that had yet to happen but were so full of promise.

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It may be heartbreaking to realize that maybe what you miss is something that you never had, but it brings you that much closer to finding what you want as a person, and to learning to love someone for who they are.

Have you ever been in love with the idea of being in love, or with the idea of someone?

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  • oh my goodness! Have you seen How to Be Single? I saw it yesterday and as I’ve just come out of a relationship, it totally inspired me along with your post! I think subconsciously I do get obsessed with the idea of falling in love and forget what it’s like to just be my own single person for a while. I loved this post chick xx
    http://www.emilyjanewebb.co.uk

    • Diana Maria

      Yes I have! I love that movie, it was such a great pick me up and was so inspiring to watch especially after getting out of a relationship- I loved the ending! I think each of us can become caught up in the idea of love, but being your own single person is a journey in itself! I hope you’re doing well Emily, and thank you I’m so glad you enjoyed the post!

  • You’re absolutely right – we often miss qualities that never existed and sometimes we are in love with the idea but it doesn’t match reality. I once had a similar thing happening to me and it was pretty confusing. I feel like the same happens with friendships – sometimes we miss the person they used to be but that has seized to exist. xx

    113-things-to-say.blogspot.com

    • Diana Maria

      It can be really confusing, and things always look so much brighter when they’re in the past and we’re looking back on them. I think knowing that is the most important thing! Hope all is well!

  • Jamie

    love this. its so very true for many people! xo
    Jamie
    http://www.jamieeverafter.com

    • Diana Maria

      Thank you Jamie, I think so too!

  • Very lovely post. I have never been in love, so I’m not one to talk about love. But I do think that a lot of people, especially girls, are only in love with the idea of being in love and not with an actual person. Hence, why they sometimes feel very unhappy or try to work to hard or even force relationship.

    -Leta | The Nerdy Me

    • Diana Maria

      Thank you Leta! Neither have I, but I do think you’re right that we can easily get distracted by the entire idea of love and miss the things we should really be paying attention to. It can all be so confusing, letting things fall together naturally is what I’ve learned is most important!

  • This was a lovely post to read – a lot of people can sometimes feels pressure to find love and so become obsessed with it. It does make it that much sweeter when you find love without looking for it and it comes by surprise! 🙂
    – Ambar x
    http://www.herlittleloves.blogspot.com

    • Diana Maria

      Thank you Ambar! I know, sometimes it seems like there’s this pressure but it really shouldn’t feel that way- I know I felt it at times. I think so too, love should come naturally with time 🙂