Sitting on the hood of my car, I looked across the sky as the sun cast a golden shadow on the empty fields lining the horizon. I wondered why I was sitting here feeling sorry for myself. What was it that I was actually missing? Did I miss him, or did I miss the idea of him? When I couldn’t answer my own question, it occurred to me that I was reminiscing not about the actual person I was with, but of who I wanted him to become. I had so badly wanted to fall in love, that I tried to live out a fantasy that was bound to one day fall apart.
When a relationship ends, it’s hard to say goodbye to all of the hopes, dreams, and plans you had for the future with someone you thought could be your other half. But what if you’re stuck missing the potential of what could of been, rather than what actually was? Being in love with the idea of love isn’t always something we ourselves can easily see.
Someone who is in love with the idea of love tries to fit the other person into their lives. If you’re in love with the idea of a person and being in love, you hope you can one day change certain aspects about your partner or their lives so that they can fit better into your own life. You want to tweak certain parts of them because maybe if they were a bit different, things could finally fall into place.
You hold onto the hope of what could be. You dream about what your future will be like, and how your lives will come together but don’t give as much attention to the present moment. When you do think of how things are at the moment, you realize they aren’t at all like what you imagined or what you expected them to be, and so you hold onto your dreams of a better future.
“I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching his highest potential. I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself” -Eat, Pray, Love. You wonder if this really is it. For whatever reason, the relationship isn’t matching your expectations on how you think you should feel about the other person. Maybe you put too much pressure on the relationship working, or you just have a feeling deep down that it isn’t right. Of course relationships are hard work, but you can’t force one to work simply out of a desire for finding that one true love.
You don’t miss the person you were with, but rather the memories you shared and the memories you were hoping to make one day. Most of what you miss about your relationship has to do with the way you felt during happier times, and moments that had yet to happen but were so full of promise.
It may be heartbreaking to realize that maybe what you miss is something that you never had, but it brings you that much closer to finding what you want as a person, and to learning to love someone for who they are.
Have you ever been in love with the idea of being in love, or with the idea of someone?