Self Talk Sunday: Stop Saying Yes

“You are growing into consciousness, and my wish for you is that you feel no need to constrict yourself to make other people comfortable.” -Ta-Nehisi Coates

I have always been a yes person. I would say yes to everything. Yes to the job I knew I didn’t want but thought I needed. Sure to every task or favor I was asked to do for others. Why not to a relationship when I wasn’t in the right place in my life. Yes to focusing on a regular career to ease the mind of my parents.

Yes, because, if I said no, then what? I was terrified of saying no because I didn’t want to disappoint anyone. I wanted to please those around me and make sure they were happy. This almost always led me to breaking under the pressure every single time. I’d be left wondering why in the world I had said yes when all I wanted was to say no.

For those who fear rejection and disappointment from others, saying no is not an easy task. If you struggle with saying yes when you want to say no, this may be of great help for you!

photography self-love yes

Know Your Value

When you know your value, you make decisions based on what makes you happy. You know you are worth more, you know when you deserve more, and you’re happy to create that for yourself. Living life based on the approval of others is you saying “their opinion of me is more important than my opinion of myself”. How do you feel about yourself? Are your decisions bringing you happiness? Basing your decisions off of the approval of others will only leave you feeling frustrated, resentful and confused. You deserve good things, and you deserve to make choices that make you feel good!

You’re  Not Being Selfish

When I first started saying no, I felt guilty and selfish for my choices. If you ever feel guilty for saying no, remember that saying no does not make you a bad person. It is not rude, careless or inconsiderate to say no when you feel the need to. I would always hold on to relationships, even the unhealthy ones, because of guilt. I felt too guilty to simply let go and say no. It is not selfish to put yourself first. Taking care of yourself is a service to not only you, but to those around you. You can do wonderful things to yourself without taking anything away from others.

“Going on a journey toward the self is actually a public service. You know why? Because until you get to the bottom of yourself — until you humbly investigate the roots of your own suffering and nonsense and misery and destructive patterns — you will just keep causing mayhem, misery and trouble…not only for yourself, but for others.” -Elizabeth Gilbert.

yes inspiration happyListen To Your Intuition

Often, our first gut reaction or feeling to a situation tells us what we need to know. But if you’re like me and suffer from anxiety, it can be difficult to distinguish between fear and intuition. Fear disguises itself as a rational voice in your mind. It tricks you into belief and stops you from exploring the outskirts of your comfort zone. When you feel your intuition speaking to you but are unsure, take a moment to yourself. Is this decision based on fear? Is there something you are afraid of? Or, do you feel the voice from within yourself as something stronger than that? If you take the time to truly think about where your thoughts are coming from, it becomes easier to see which are driven by fear, and which come from within.

Have you ever said yes when you wanted to say no? How do you stay confident with your decisions?

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  • I am such a people pleaser / yes girl. That this is something I’ve really struggled with and have had to train myself to do! x

    • Diana Maria

      It can be hard just to simply say no when you really do want to please others. It’s comforting to know a lot of people struggle with this too! Wishing you all the best Amanda xx

  • I always say yes, but you make good points as to why I should say no sometimes. Thanks for sharing!

    http://www.myclusterofthoughts.com/

    • Diana Maria

      Thank you for reading Katherine! 🙂

  • Honestly I really needed this right now. I struggle so much with saying no to people, so this is super helpful! Thank you xx

    Hannah | luxuryblush

    • Diana Maria

      I think it’s a struggle many of us have, I wish you all the best Hannah thanks so much for reading! xx

  • I’m so thankful i read this right now <3

    yuki, solivagantic

    • Diana Maria

      Thank you for reading Yuki, I’m glad you enjoyed it 🙂

  • This is so true and what I needed to hear right now. I suffer from anxiety and if I get stressed about things, I just let them build up and then something small or daft will send me over the edge. I’m having a frustrating time with a situation at the moment and I have realised that I have some control over the people in my life and I can choose to not be around toxic people and toxic situations. On the other hand, it’s heart-breaking and to put space between yourself and other people sometimes, but people make their own choices and so can I.

    • Diana Maria

      Oh that’s me right down to a t! You do have control of the energy you bring into your life. I just watched this video and think it really applies to what you’re going through, by the sounds of it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KPggUdcH0AA It is heartbreaking taking space and letting go, but I think it’s important to be strong for yourself! xx

  • Courtney Livingston

    Great thoughts. It is SO important to know our value. Thanks for the reminder. xx
    Courtney // courtneylivin.com

    • Diana Maria

      Agreed! Thank you for reading Courtney xx

  • I LOVE this post. This is really important as nowadays we tend to follow what others want us to do rather than our own hearts. When I started saying no though I felt so selfish, my friends told me that I’ve changed, but then I told them I’m not changed, girl is just growing up haha.
    But thank you for this reminder 🙂

    hejnerissa.com

    • Diana Maria

      Thank you so much Nerissa! I’m glad you enjoyed the read. It isn’t selfish to say no at times, and it is a part of growing so I think it’s great you’ve been able to do that for yourself xx

  • people need to be reminded that they don’t have to feel obliged to say yes just to avoid fraction. it’s really okay to say no when you’re not feel like it. i used to be yes girl but after getting so much no i started to think “heh, i don’t need to go out of my way just to look nice because they definitely didn’t do the same.”

    • Diana Maria

      This is so true and something I need to keep reminding myself! It is okay to say no when you feel the need too. Thanks for reading Tannya xx

  • Such great points Diana and I love the Elizabeth Gilbert insert. I never really thought about saying yes or no, I just do things that make me happy. When I was younger I did seek approval a lot and wanted everyone to like me but that’s not how to live a genuine fulfilling life!

    Thanks so for sharing this xx

    Hanh | hanhabelle

    • Diana Maria

      Thank you Hanh! She has such great insight and advice. I agree, I think as we grow older we realize that’s what truly matters. I’m glad you’ve been able to do that as well! xx