Self Talk Sundays: The Art Of Forgiveness

forgiveness mug girl photography

“Forgive others not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace”  – Buddha

Lately, I’ve been thinking quite a bit about forgiveness and how heavily it can weigh on us. A while ago, I had an experience that hurt me deeply and burrowed itself in my mind for the next few months. Whenever I would replay the experience over in my mind, I would feel all of the emotions wash over me like a wave, swallowing me whole. I was hurt, angry, and had absolutely no intention of letting go.

Matters of the heart are a tricky thing. When we are hurt, our first instinct may not be to jump at the chance to offer our forgiveness. Sometimes, we just don’t want to forgive someone, period! It’s the last thing we want to do. Instead, we would rather sit in safety with our dear friends anger and stubbornness. If forgiveness is such an integral part of finding inner peace, why does it seem like a burden on our to do list?

forgiveness flowers floral photography

We Have No Control

We tend to think that if we forgive the people who have hurt us, they’re being let off the hook. Even worse- they might do it again. By forgiving, we become vulnerable once again, which may feel like an invitation to be hurt once more. The truth is, whether you choose to forgive someone or not you have no control over whether they hurt you. We cannot control the actions of others, but we can control the actions we carry out in our daily lives. An empowered heart that offers forgiveness is able to grieve and liberate itself.

We Learn To Forgive Ourselves

When we look at a situation that has brought us pain, we often picture ourselves as the victims and view the unfolded events through a black and white filer. At the time, I thought I had been completely betrayed and looked at what had happened from my perspective. I was hurt, and that was that. It took me months to realize that the way I was reacting to being hurt was bringing pain onto others. I was unknowingly acting in the same way as those I was upset with in the first place.

We have all hurt others before, whether it be intentionally or unintentionally throughout our lives. Don’t allow yourself to be anchored by anger and resentment. Try to remember that we are all doing our best, and offer your compassion. Forgive yourself, for it will allow you to forgive others.

Letting Go Brings Peace

You’ll know when you’ve truly forgiven someone because you’ll feel it in every part of you. You’ll feel the sensation of lightness and relief within you once you are ready to forgive. When we forgive someone, we free ourselves from the pain and anger their betrayal brought onto us. We let go of the resentment that we harbored within ourselves like a guarded ship yearning to set sail.

Seek the positive in the situation. Take the lessons you’ve learned with you, and remember that each experience is a teacher of it’s own kind. The saying “let go or be dragged” had never rung more true to me than at the moment I chose to free myself. When I finally let go of the memories that had caused me so much bitterness, I felt free from the negativity I didn’t realize I was holding on to.

As frightening as it is to let go of painful experiences, we are only harming ourselves by not practicing forgiveness. Do you struggle to cultivate forgiveness? I’d love to hear your story.

“Teach this triple truth to all: A generous heart, kind speech, and a life of service and compassion are the things which renew humanity.”

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  • HERRENDEZVOUS

    Lovely post, really inspiring and beautiful written!

    XX

    Love, http://herrendezvous.com/

    • Diana Maria

      Thank you!

  • Such an inspiring post once again, Diana. Loved reading it and I have to say that I learned to forgive quickly over the time. It doesn’t mean that I forget the bad that people do to me but I forgive to let go of that negativity, pain and burden. It helps me move on and live more happily 🙂

    -Leta | The Nerdy Me

    • Diana Maria

      Thank you Leta! That’s wonderful, at times I wish I could do the same, but that’s very brave of you to let go as you do xx

  • You write such inspiring posts, Diana! And I totally agree on letting go to bring peace – easier said than done!

    cabin twenty-four

    • Diana Maria

      Thank you Eena, you’re too kind! I agree, it’s all about the effort and growing as we learn xx

  • This is such a lovely written post, Diana! It was so sweet to read. Forgiveness is tough, but I think letting go and moving forward is the best thing to do not matter how hard the situation has been for you. You need that peace of mind and that chance to learn from it x

    Lauren | itslaurenvictoria.blogspot.co.uk

    • Diana Maria

      Thank you Lauren! I completely agree and think having a peace of mind is enough reason to try our best to let go xx

  • Nikita

    Love the quote you began with, it’s so true! Very inspiring post and so well written Diana 🌸

    -Nikita xo

    • Diana Maria

      Aw thanks so much for reading Nikita 🙂 xoxo

  • This is a really lovely post about forgiveness. I get angry or hurt pretty easily but in two cases where I was so angry and upset, I realised I was just hurting myself because I was in such a negative mood all the time. So I learnt to let go, not for the others but for myself.

    Emily | http://emilytrinh.com

    • Diana Maria

      Thank you Emily, it’s a tough situation to be in but it is quite eye opening to how that negativity can hurt you!

  • “You’ll know when you’ve truly forgiven someone because you’ll feel it in every part of you.” it really is. Unfortunately I’ve experienced this feeling only once in my life (ehhm need to work a bit on my ability to forgive people) but It was the most pure and nice feeling.
    Really loved this post.

    Caterina | http://www.caterinasosso.com

    • Diana Maria

      It’s wonderful that you’ve had the feeling and were able to forgive, I’m a work in progress as well 🙂 Thanks for reading Caterina xx

  • I have really struggled with forgiveness in the past. I went through a really bad experience with my ex-boyfriend, I will spare all of the details but it didn’t end well. For the longest time I couldn’t forgive him, it took me to finally be happy with somebody else for me to be able to forgive him.
    I think I just got to a point where I felt like I had to forget about the past in order to be happy again!

    Danielle xx
    http://www.fashionbeautyblog.co.uk/

    • Diana Maria

      I’ve found that once you find true happiness elsewhere, that’s when you can really forgive. I’m so glad that you were able to and are happy Danielle!

  • Caitlin

    Very well written! I have struggled so hard with forgiving people! It really is something that you need to learn over time.

    Caitlin, Beauty & Colour

    • Diana Maria

      Thank you Caitlin! Me too, hopefully we will learn to over time xx

  • Beautifully written Diana and so true. Forgiveness isn’t ‘letting someone off the hook’ it’s your way of dealing and accepting your own feelings. It’s not easy to forgive and forget but allowing your energy to change from a negative and angry place to a place that’s free and positive. I don’t like to hang onto bad feelings. Everyone has their reasons for acting the way they do but learning to accept people and be a stronger person shapes us into better people. When I’ve been hurt in the pass I’ve expressed why it upset me and try and move on. Life is too short to hold grudges and ill feeling.

    Thanks for sharing 🙂

    Hanh | hanhabelle

    • Diana Maria

      Aw thank you Hanh, I don’t either, it can be exhausting to hold onto the negative. I really love your attitude about life being too short and doing your best to let go xx

  • So inspiring and so many of your words are true! Forgiveness is really hard to face – especially when you’ve been hurt by a particular person. Is it possible to forgive without completely forgetting?

    http://fabuloushabits.com

    • Diana Maria

      Thank you Lisa! I think we don’t always completely forget, we may still hold onto small bits but I still do believe we can forgive someone without entirely forgetting!

  • I love this post so much and the photos are beautiful too. Where was the last photo taken? There’s nothing I can add that you’ve not said already. It’s not easy to forgive at all, and it’s hard to get past the idea that you’re letting someone off and that they might do it again. Like you said though, whether you forgive someone or not they can hurt you.

    • Diana Maria

      Thank you Rosie! It was taken in Whistler, BC Canada at Alta Lake. I think so too, I’m glad you enjoyed the post love xx

      • I thought it looked Canadian! I’m visiting Whistler this summer so hopefully I might have chance to visit that lake.

        • Diana Maria

          That’s amazing! I’m planning to head back there this Summer as well, maybe we’ll cross paths! It’s such a beautiful place you’ll fall in love 🙂

  • I love this! Forgiving people is definitely hard especially because, as you said, it makes you vulnerable. They could hurt you again. But I’ve definitely found that I feel better after forgiving someone. Being angry/ holding a grudge against someone for a long time is kind of maddening and difficult. It feels so much more free to forgive, even if forgiving is also hard in its own way. Beautifully written post! And lovely photos. 🙂
    Julia || juliainbluhm.com

    • Diana Maria

      Thank you Julia! I’m so glad that you agree, I couldn’t have said it better myself! xx

  • amelia may

    This was such a comfort to read. Beautiful and honest and very healing too! Xx Ps. the photographs are so lovely. X best wishes Xx

    Keep Calm and Start Writing ~
    https://23millymay25.blogspot.co.uk/

    • Diana Maria

      Thank you Amelia, I’m so glad you enjoyed the post! xx

  • Kay (shoesandglitter)

    Such a heartfelt, beautifully written post, hun! I have always found it a little difficult to forgive others and myself. Not even because out of some kind of bitterness, but mostly because I just tend to dwell on things too much, and it’s difficult for me to forget and let things go. I think I have been getting better at that recently, though. You are right, it is all about forgiving yourself to let go of that weight that can bring you down so much. Thank you for writing this! 🙂 Hope you’re having the best weekend, beauty. <3 xoxo

    Kay
    http://shoesandglitter.com

    • Diana Maria

      Aw thank you Kay! I tend to do the same, it can be a real challenge learning to let go. I’m so glad you enjoyed reading! xx

  • oh i loved this post so much. i forgive others really easily because to me theres no need to hold onto bad feeling especially when someone didn’t mean to hurt me. on the other end, i can’t forgive me easily which is really bad and i have to work on it just because i deserve peace.

    http://www.elenaisabelle.com

    • Diana Maria

      Thank you Elena! Good for you for doing so well with forgiveness. I struggle with forgiving myself but I think we all do at times xx

  • You will never get what you need to heal when you hold on to your grudge, forgiving is an act of love for yourself, just like you said. It took me a ling time to realize that, but I have.

    Linda, Libra, Loca: Beauty, Baby and Backpacking

    • Diana Maria

      Aw I love the way you put that Linda, it’s so true but not an easy message to truly understand.

  • I love this! Such an inspiration “Letting GO Brings peace”. A lot of people have grudges and well they never really get the most out of life. Everything is just on the surface, I think we should all be kind and realize that time is a healer.

    • Diana Maria

      Time is a healer and it is such a freeing feeling to let go. Thank you Shenna!

  • I love this post!!
    Super inspirational and great tips!
    Forgiving is all about loving ourselves and loving others 😀
    Kisses
    xx

    https://thathappymess.com/

    • Diana Maria

      Thank you Patricia!

  • Kate

    This was so interesting. I’m a typical Scorpio and forgiveness doesn’t come easy to me! But it’s so true that forgiving makes things easier on you. It’s not about the person who has hurt you. x

    Kate Louise Blogs

    • Diana Maria

      It really is about you, which is something I never really understood until now. Thank you for reading Kate!

  • Stunning photos and such a well written post, there are definitely still things that I am trying to forgive myself for but im working on improving myself every day.

    Abigail Alice 💕

    • Diana Maria

      Thank you love! xx

  • This is such an inspiring and lovely post. Great read and gorgeous pictures x

    Tiffany Tales | Lifestyle & Beauty

    • Diana Maria

      Thank you so much Tiffany! xx

  • This is a beautiful post. You give incredible insight on letting go of the past, because you are certainly right that clinging on to hurt does more harm than good for our futures. Thank you for the encouragement! Xoxo

    dearash.com